Gentleness

It would be nice if a male would read this, but I bet that only girls are going to read this...but oh well, I gotta journal this.

Here's a little revelation I've got about gentleness, mainly concerning guys, but can go for girls as well. Ever see a guy go up to his friend and punch him or something like that? Ever see a guy being rough and then somebody says "That's just how they show affection."? Well...this is how it is. When growing up, babies love getting affection, especially physical affection from their mother and father. So, physical affection is normal. But you know...people still need affection, including physical affection when they're older! And not just from the opposite sex or their parents. I know guys that don't like touching other guys unless it involves being rough. I know guys that don't like touching other guys period. Why? Because as they get older, they're taught that it's weird. They get reactions from people in school and all around when they do touch other guys in affectionate ways. This makes me sick. I love huggin people!!! Hugging guys is actually safer than hugging girls because I'm not physically or sexually attracted to guys! You see guys being rough all the time and sometimes giving "special handshakes." But you see guys and girls hanging all over each other, giving big hugs. I'm not saying touching girls, or even hugging girls is wrong, but come on people! Most guys my age can be affected by a girl touching their shoulder or their leg, yet you see them wrapping their arms around the girl and sometimes pressing their bodies together. What do you think is going through that guy's body and mind? But if that guy hugged a brother the same way, a lot of people would look at him funny. Society has gotten us all mixed up on this subject teaching us that guys touching guys is weird but you should touch girls a lot and be really rough with other guys all the time. Ok, READ THIS!!!

Ephesians 4:2 Be completely humble and GENTLE.

Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit(singular, not plural) of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, GENTLENESS and self-control.

These are just two scriptures tell us to be gentle with each other. Of course, I love roughing people up a bit in football or wrestling, but that's just having fun. When it comes to showing affection, I like giving hugs! There is a time and place for everything. I'm not going to go off hugging guys in public, but I usually prefer giving a brother a hug instead of a handshake.

Every Word of the Lord Is Tested

Every word of the Lord is tested. Ever heard that expression? It's scriptural and it's totally true! It was decided last Tuesday that it was time for me to bring the message to youth group tonight. I wasn't comfortable with the decision all week, my flesh really did NOT want to do it and I kinda felt pressured into it...but yesterday, I realized what God's doing. God wants me to speak about "faith" tonight at youth. Well...that's the word that I'm bringing to youth...and every word of the Lord is tested....so guess what has been tested all week. Yup...my faith. Some really confusing things going on concerning girls. Depending on who's reading this...it could or could not be what you're thinking. Basically, I have feelings for a few girls and it was scary especially because I had no idea what God wanted me to do. The other night I was being harrassed so bad with tempting thoughts and my mind was going at 10,000 rpms. I got a headache because my mind just wouldn't slow down and I couldn't control it no matter what I tried thinking about. So after a few hours of prayer till about 1:00a.m. Tuesday morning I calmed down and got a few hours of sleep. During those few hours of prayer God spoke to me. It was funny because He was speaking loud and clear and I was like "God(whiney expression), I don't want to hear that! I need to know this and that!" I really didn't say "this and that," but for confidentiality, I'm not going to give too much inside information of what I'm dealing with. God basically told me that if I just seek Him and follow his path/will, that things will fall into place. Also...I'm not ready for a relationship, God's still got a lot of stuff to do in me. He also revealed a couple things to me yesterday. So, I had a good sleep last night, very peacefull. And I'm feeling a lot better about speaking at youth tonight. I have more confidence. Why? Because the other night and yesterday, I had faith in what God was speaking to me through all this junk going on. Isn't it neat how that works? I'm speaking about faith tonight...I needed a word from God for my struggles...and I needed to have faith in the word He spoke. And now, with the faith in the word that God spoke...I have confidence and peace to speak about faith tonight.

Faithful

Ok, revelation time! This morning in the first year(second meeting) class of internship, Mike Tangalakis brought up a question. He said "I have a question, it's kinda techncial...a stupid question." He said something along those lines followed by, "The word says that God is faithful. So what is His faith in?" He asked this because Rick was asking everybody what their faith was in. I said that mine was in God as a provider and a Father. And we were also talking about how faith and what it is and what it's for. Faith, being sure of what we HOPE for and certain of what we do not see. So, if God's faithful, what is His faith in? Automatically, I thought well that's the kind of question that's just being asked to be all technical and contradictive and stuff so I said "Faithful does NOT mean FULL of FAITH..." and Rick explained how the Greek word for faithful means to stay firm, to continue in one direction. But then Rick kept talking about faithfulness and faith and talked about faith and life are like an elevator. In the elevator of life, if you do nothing, you'll go nowhere. In the elevator of life, if you push the button of the floor you're on(stay where you are), you'll go nowhere...you'll stay where you are. And on the elevator of like, if you push the button of the floor you want to be, you'll go there. Speaking litterally...if we confess about where we are now, we'll stay here, but if we confess where we want to be, we'll go there. So it takes faith to speak into somebody what they WILL be instead of what they are. Now, according to Galatians 4, I am a child because I am supported by my parents. But I will be a man one day! So is calling me a "man of God" wrong? Not if somebody's speaking it in faith! So then Rick went on about the whole thing with Abraham and his son Isaac. Abraham couldn't have children, but God still said he was a father of many nations! So Abraham used his faith, and believed that word. So he had a son. Then, he had to go up a mountain and kill his son. Geez! But he had FAITH IN GOD that he could bring the dead to life. So the story goes on...The main thing to see here is that God did not see Abraham as he was(a man that could not have children). God saw Abraham as a father of many nations. God had faith in Abraham. Hear this...when God gave His son to die for us, there was no guarantee that I or you would accept it because we have free will. But God has FAITH IN US. Faith, sure of what we HOPE for...

Craziness

How's the laptop working?

Well...let's review yesterday. A bunch of little things, frustrating things have a tendancy to build up and cause stress. Yesterday, I had a very stressful...happening. It involved a girl. There seems to be almost nothing more complicated...more confusing...more stressful than relationships, especially girls. I'm sure MOST(not all) girls feel the same way about guys. So...last night at youth I was as focused on serving the youth as I could be. I was still ready to have a nervous break down and just totally lose it. But I laid it aside. I died to my problems so that I could be there for the youth. I guess God really honors that because I was able to hear clearly from Him when I was praying for them, producing sweet times of ministry. I've always had a heart to be involved with youth whether I'm a youth or a leader, and my heart towards it just keeps growing, and towards the youth too. I'm really starting to enjoy just hanging out with these kids and being a role model, and maybe even a big brother. They're all so awesome and funny and smart. They're all musically inclined and love spongebob squarepants which is so awesome! The spongebob movie was the greatest. So anywho......

So after I got home from youth I was talking with my friend Chelsey in Edmonton and we had one of the most awesome, godly conversations we've had. It really helped take my focus off of my circumstances and get into the Word and stuff. I had way too much caffeine which was not smart because it was so late. So, at about 2 in the morning I'm still wired and I get outta bed to search online for weight lifting techniques and I start chating with Kathy in Missouri. She's an amazing woman of God, and a mother in her early 40's. I was telling her about my day and the things that have been bothering me and she was so understanding, I just couldn't believe it. I was expecting her to slam me with rebukes and stuff but man...she was so gentle about it and really ministered to me and helped me see some things clearly. So I can't say yesterday was too bad of a day because even though I was ready to break down, I had some of the best times just being real with some sisters in the Lord. I chatted with Mander some too, she makes me laugh. She's just got this awesome personality that makes you love being her friend and hanging out with her.

So yeah...I got in bed around 3 or 3:30 in the morning, probably managed to doze off around 4. There was just NO WAY I was getting up for class this morning at 6:30. Maybe if I was in the 10:00 class....but 7:30 is so stinking early. Don't get me wrong...in certain circumstances I will get up at 2 in the morning after getting a couple hours of sleep. But with the stress and my body still shocked from the caffeine the day/night before...I needed the rest. I'm so looking forward to practice tonight. My finger is pretty much better and ready for fretting the bass. And if me and Mander and JD go to Applebees, that will be great because they're a fun couple of characters to be with at the same time. I'm supposed to hang out with Ryan tomorrow and teach him a little about bass, but I wonder if I could spend the night at JD's and hang out for a while. I love being around his family. We'll see what happens tonight, I'm excited!

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Don't pinch me or you die!!!!

Faithfullness

You know...I'm in a good mood today. I think I may be in the flesh right now, but I'm still in a good mood. This week has been good so far. Today is what they call "hump day," the middle of the week. Does that mean it goes down from here? I think not! Anyway...

Last Wednesday, we had 20 people at youth group. 13 young'ns and 7 leaders. That's the most people we've had in about 4 years which is very exciting. For a second there, it felt like I have been out of high school for about 3-5 years because when you're not going to school every freaking day, the year goes by a little slower. It's only been under 2 years since I graduated. I'm 19, and I've already started worrying about my future careers and relationships, can you believe that? I really don't feel 19. I feeling younger because I still rely on my parents and other people and tons of people consider me a kid, yet I feel older because I've been out of high school for a while now and I'm a leader in two ministries. It's kinda confusing to my emotions. In fact, it's frustrating. I keep telling myself, "count your blessings," because I have so much to be thankful for and I don't wanna be caught complaining although I'm sure I have plenty of times. It's frustrating because I'm one of the only people I know my age that does AND CAN NOT have a job, a car, or a residence apart from my parents because I don't have a greencard. Well...I COULD have a car...but I wouldn't be able to pay for anything other than a few gallons of gas, but it would still be illegal without tags and plates and insurance. Does anybody know how frustrating it can get when you have to get other people to give you a ride to EVERYTHING you go to, or walk? And almost every single ride is late! I don't mean to be unthankful at all here, but come on...when they're late, I'm late and I hate being late. Being late is unprofessional, undiligent, and unexcellent. And personally, I think when people are late, it makes them look bad. So I look bad when I'm late and it's not my fault. And I know that this sounds selfish because they are going out of their way and time to give me a ride...but when their late, they're wasting my time because I'm ready to go by the time they say they'll be there so I have to sit around waiting and I don't have a whole lot of patience for some things. I know...I know...don't even post a response to those last couple of sentences if you're reading this. Wow...something else just occured in my life while I was writing this blog that extremely bothered me so I'm going to stop typing before I say something I shouldn't....

Finger

Well, now that my finger is all better, I can type well enough to post something. At youth group on Wednesday night we were playing wall ball where you throw a ball against the wall and try to get the ball to come back and hit somebody, then throw the ball back at the wall before the person touches the wall. Well, Ike Barnard had touched the ball and was running for the wall and the ball was relatively far from the wall, so I bent down and put my hand under the ball so that I could twist to my left and kinda bend backwards at the same time and catapult it to the wall. Well, when I did that, I did it so fast that I just about threw myself on the ground, but I put my hand down to stop myself. I managed to get the ball to the wall in time(although it was too high which is bad) but when I put my hand down, my left ring finger had been pushed against the ground so hard that it just pulled the skin off. The skin was still attached, but it was a good chunk. So, I stopped and went and got a band-aid and put it on. Well, that wasn't a good idea because the skin started to kinda heal back on which is bad because it can heal wrong and be a big, ugly scar. So the next day, I used some fingernail clippers to open it back up and remove the skin. Now it's healing correctly and looks rather neat. I'm glad my team wasn't practicing music this week because I wouldn't be able to use that finger, and even so, it might not heal by next thursday. So, I'll be playing with 2 fingers which isn't too bad, but I'll be very limited to what I can do. So anyway, this is the main reason I haven't blogged. It is still pretty uncomfortable to be typing with that finger, but it's not that bad.

Small things...big blessings

Alright, I'm back!...sorta...I haven't blogged in a while because I've been feeling a lot of bitterness and frustration, and that was all I could think about. So, now that I have something positive to talk about...here we go!

Alright, this may not seem like a big deal to you, but to me it was like...dang! Well, last week I kept craving Subway. Other than pizza, subway is my favorite place to eat, in fact right now my mouth is watering like crazy just thinking about it! Anway, so I wanted some Subway REALLY bad but didn't have money or anything. Well, God knows the desires of our hearts! In the past week or week and a half, I've had Subway twice! That was so awesome!

On Monday, I was complaining. Yes, I was complaining! I was complaining because I didn't feeling valued as a friend and all that jumbo mumbo. I was in the kitchen looking out the window at the snow telling my mom how badly I wanted to go sledding with my friends because it was the 3rd time it has snowed this winter and I heard about the interns going sledding the last couple of times and I felt left out because I love sledding and nobody thought to ask me. So, I stood there pouting saying that I wanted to go sledding and my friends will probably go sledding but they never ask me so I should probably call one of them and ask, but I was feeling pretty bummed. Well...even though I was being a big baby and complaining...God knows the desires of our hearts! Not long after saying all that, I got online and Marc Aycock asked me if I wanted to go sledding, and he said he'd pick me up. I was in shock! That was a great night. The snow is perfect and the hills were steep and we all had a ton of fun, but man did my legs get a workout.