Dreaming of a white Christmas...and reliable internet service...

I'm posting on here(it's been a while) because the oh so wonderful MySpace *cough-hate it and only got it because so many people have it-cough* is being stupid and slow ON TOP OF my already stupid, slow and unreliable internet service. It might be reasonably fast the majority of the time...but whenever I DO get a chance to use it, it's slow over half the stinking time!!! Anyway...not that this will ever be read by anybody because I think my blog gets checked 2 times per freaking year...but I wanted to write out my frustration and I couldn't do it on lousy MySpace...so here I am. My parents just had a fight...only verbal...and there's almost NOTHING that tears me up inside or makes me more angry than my parents fighting. I try so hard to love my stepdad, and I've gotten better at forgiving and trying to love him instead of be angry at him but it's definitely worse than my mom. Me and mom rarely get in fights, but me and George have been in quite a few. He's such a grumpy, stubborn, argumentative guy...but only most of the time...not all. He just needs Jesus. My mom talks about wanting to come to my church a lot...she's been a few times but has backed out many times because of having to babysit or being too tired which I'm not judging her for at all...it's just dissappointing because I know it would be SO GOOD FOR HER. She's either at work or at home all day every day. She might get a book from the library or go out for lunch with my sister once a week but she has no local friends. They're all in other states. I'm trying to get her involved in my church because I know there are several women of God that would love on her like she needs. My mom is isolated and she's doing it to herself. I REALLY wanted her to be there today. Rick(head "elder/pastor/preacher/whatever") taught on the penalty of sin. Summed up...SIN=DEATH=DEBT When we sin, the penalty is death. Satan holds a certificate of debt over us and says "he/she must die to pay the debt." The only thing that can pay that debt of sin is life. For EVERY sin, there is a debt on us, and that penalty is death. So we must die. Well...that's why Jesus was sent by the Father. Jesus paid that debt for EVERY sin for EVERY person. And then Rick talked about ensuring your salvation through the testing of faith and believing. It was really good stuff. Also, worship was great. It sounded great and the Holy Spirit showed up and did His thing. My mom has never heard my play my bass with a band or group of people(live). She's seen a video of the first gig we did when I was in a band...a long time ago. My skill was nothing compared to now. Anyway...parents. No person has ever made me more angry than my stepdad. And I desire for nobody to be saved more than Him because I believe that he could do some major damage to the enemy's schemes and some major good for God's kingdom. What's the worst part? He sorta grew up in church. So the gospel and bible are not new to him at all. He's probably memorized more scripture than me...which is probably saying more about me than him...but anyway. I don't hate him at all. Hate pretty much means to push somebody away. So if you say "I don't hate them, I just really dislike them" then you're full of something lumpy and smelly because hating involves more than feelings and saying how much you like them...it involves actions. Sorry, I had to get that out, it's something I wish I could say to everybody. Anyway...the reason why my parents fighting kills me more than anything? Because I love my mom more than any other person and I know she has so much hurt from her past. If anybody hurt her, my vision would go red and some demonic force would drive me to...do...something...ok I think that's all I have to say about that. I know I'll get some interesting looks and comments for that but...oh well.