Dreaming of a white Christmas...and reliable internet service...

I'm posting on here(it's been a while) because the oh so wonderful MySpace *cough-hate it and only got it because so many people have it-cough* is being stupid and slow ON TOP OF my already stupid, slow and unreliable internet service. It might be reasonably fast the majority of the time...but whenever I DO get a chance to use it, it's slow over half the stinking time!!! Anyway...not that this will ever be read by anybody because I think my blog gets checked 2 times per freaking year...but I wanted to write out my frustration and I couldn't do it on lousy MySpace...so here I am. My parents just had a fight...only verbal...and there's almost NOTHING that tears me up inside or makes me more angry than my parents fighting. I try so hard to love my stepdad, and I've gotten better at forgiving and trying to love him instead of be angry at him but it's definitely worse than my mom. Me and mom rarely get in fights, but me and George have been in quite a few. He's such a grumpy, stubborn, argumentative guy...but only most of the time...not all. He just needs Jesus. My mom talks about wanting to come to my church a lot...she's been a few times but has backed out many times because of having to babysit or being too tired which I'm not judging her for at all...it's just dissappointing because I know it would be SO GOOD FOR HER. She's either at work or at home all day every day. She might get a book from the library or go out for lunch with my sister once a week but she has no local friends. They're all in other states. I'm trying to get her involved in my church because I know there are several women of God that would love on her like she needs. My mom is isolated and she's doing it to herself. I REALLY wanted her to be there today. Rick(head "elder/pastor/preacher/whatever") taught on the penalty of sin. Summed up...SIN=DEATH=DEBT When we sin, the penalty is death. Satan holds a certificate of debt over us and says "he/she must die to pay the debt." The only thing that can pay that debt of sin is life. For EVERY sin, there is a debt on us, and that penalty is death. So we must die. Well...that's why Jesus was sent by the Father. Jesus paid that debt for EVERY sin for EVERY person. And then Rick talked about ensuring your salvation through the testing of faith and believing. It was really good stuff. Also, worship was great. It sounded great and the Holy Spirit showed up and did His thing. My mom has never heard my play my bass with a band or group of people(live). She's seen a video of the first gig we did when I was in a band...a long time ago. My skill was nothing compared to now. Anyway...parents. No person has ever made me more angry than my stepdad. And I desire for nobody to be saved more than Him because I believe that he could do some major damage to the enemy's schemes and some major good for God's kingdom. What's the worst part? He sorta grew up in church. So the gospel and bible are not new to him at all. He's probably memorized more scripture than me...which is probably saying more about me than him...but anyway. I don't hate him at all. Hate pretty much means to push somebody away. So if you say "I don't hate them, I just really dislike them" then you're full of something lumpy and smelly because hating involves more than feelings and saying how much you like them...it involves actions. Sorry, I had to get that out, it's something I wish I could say to everybody. Anyway...the reason why my parents fighting kills me more than anything? Because I love my mom more than any other person and I know she has so much hurt from her past. If anybody hurt her, my vision would go red and some demonic force would drive me to...do...something...ok I think that's all I have to say about that. I know I'll get some interesting looks and comments for that but...oh well.

CDs for sale!

Spread the word, I'm selling my cds. If you want one of my cds or know somebody that wants one of them, let me know. They're $5 each. Here's the list of what I have.

Andy Hunter - Exodus

Barlow Girl - Barlow Girl, Another Jounral Entry

Blindside - About a Burning Fire, Silence

Building 429 - Space In Between Us

Code of Ethics - Blaze

Cross Movement - Human Emergency, Holy Culture

Disciple - Disciple, By God, This Might Sting a Little

Earthsuit - Kaleidoscope Superior

Grits - The Art of Translation

Jeff Deyo - Surrender, Saturate

Jeremy Camp - Carried Me(The Worship Project), Restored

Kutless - Hearts of the Innocent, Strong Tower, Sea of Faces, Kutless

Living Sacrifice - In Memoriam, Conceived In Fire, Reborn

Matt Redman - Facedown

Mercy Me - Undone

P.O.D. - Testify, Warriors EP Vol. 2, Payable On Death, Satellite, Warriors EP Vol. 1, The Fundamental Elements of Southtown, Payable On Death Live, Brown

Pillar - Where Do We Go From Here(Limited Edition), Where Do We Go From Here, Fireproof(MCA Records), Broken Down: The EP, Fireproof(Flicker Records)

Plankeye - Spill

Project 86 - ...and the Rest Will Follow, Songs to Burn Your Bridges By, Truthless Heros

Sanctus Real - Fight the Tide (on layaway)

Skillet - Collide(Bonus Track), Alien Youth, Ardent Worship: Skillet Live, Hey You I love Your Soul

Steven Curtis Chapman - All Things New

Third Day - Come Together

Thousand Foot Krutch - The Art of Breaking, Phenomenon

TobyMac - Welcome to Diverse City, Momentum

X2004(17 Christian Rock Hits)

Some cds may cost more money because of how hard it would be to give it up, but most will be just $5. Also, if you have any good cds that you wanna get rid of, let me know and maybe we can trade or I'll buy some off of you.

Ok, I WAS going to write more on the Acquire the Fire weekend, but that's old news. If you really wanna know more ask me in person or something. Well, good news! We received something from the INS(Immigration and Naturalization Service) saying that they received my paperwork and that they processed part of it already. That's pretty stinking quick considering we sent it off like...a couple weeks ago. In just over a month, it will be 2 years since we first ordered the papers to fill out. Pray that this works out this time, I can't wait to have my greencard so I can get my license's and eventually move out, although I'm not in a big hurry to move out, just something that needs to happen soon, I'm 20 years old for crying out loud. Yes, I will have to start paying taxes, but that's ok because I just REALLY can't wait till I can start driving again, and within a week, I'll own a car! WOOT WOOT!!! By the way, I'm kool because I got some free Chester Cheetah stickers in my Fun Favorites Variety Sack!

Acquire the Fire

Well, I got home this morning at about 1:30 from a great weekend at Acquire the Fire in Charlotte, NC. I'm sitting here typing this up instead of going to church because I forgot to set my clock ahead an hour before I went to bed. Anyway...If you've never heard of Aquire the Fire, then you're missing out. It's a weekend...or...more like a day and 2 night youth conference. They always have a worship team there for praise and worship throughout the day, a couple speakers, and a couple popular Christian bands. The speakers were Ron Luce and Joel Johnson(never heard of them before, but they were really good). The bands were Pillar(one of my absolute all time faves) and KJ-52. It took me from the time we got there, to near time to leave to start to really get into it and start to enter God's presence. The praise and worship before we left was phenomenal. I've never worshiped so freely or so passionately before. The only thing that really bothered me was how the entire place would start clapping and cheering every 2 stinking minutes! I'll write more later...gotta go

What's the best thing in the morning?

I'll tell ya, it's not coffee! It's not cereal. It's nothing of/in this world. I've discovered that when I wake up in the morning the first thing I have to do is pray/communicate with God(except for the morning bathroom trip of course...). Most mornings I wake up and just go about my day. My day usually ends up not that great. But the days I wake up and start praying and talking to God first...man, I feel so good! Especially when I read the bible. It's so hard to get in that mindset though. Today, I didn't talk to God as soon as I woke up, but I did read the bible even though I didn't want to. I feel great right now, full of life. I was sitting there eating M&Ms and was bored out of my mind and my bible was sitting there on my bed so I said out loud "Why the heck not?" So I picked it up and started reading Proverbs 6(fairly random). Truth really does set you free. I got a revelation while reading and I feel some freedom. It's the craziest thing! I encourage everybody, whether you feel like it or not, pray as soon as you wake up. Praying at the end of the day is nice...it's prayer...but that's AFTER the challenges of the day have gone by so make sure you're praying in the morning too.

Bonjour

I had an idea yesterday...I thought "Someday I'll be going back to Canada and there's a lot of French-speaking people in Canada so I should learn French." So I'm going to learn the French language. I don't know how...or when...but I'm going to. I think I'll do it after I somehow freshen up on my Spanish. I like speaking Spanish, but I forgot just about everything I learned in high school. Yeah...and I'd like to learn German some day too.

This is the song that never ends...

...yes it goes on, and on my friend! This is the song of the FRIKIN' GREENCARD!!! The chances of me staying and getting my greencard just got lower, which means the chances of me going to Canada are higher. I found out the other day that it will take 4 years for me to get my greencard UNLESS my stepdad can file for me. For the past couple years that we've been filing for my greencard, my mom has be filing for me because she's my biological mother. My stepdad is only my father by marriage and for some reason the INS(Immigration and Naturalization Services) have a problem with that. So...we'll see if they let him file for me. If they do allow that, then I could have my green card within months. But, if not...then I'm going to Canada.

As for the motorcycle, it can be easily fixed and could be running in no time! But...I don't see the use in that if I can't get a license! So, it continues to sit in the driveway, out of order.

So, back to the Canada subject...the thing that bothers me right now is that there are a few girls...women...whatever...that I really have strong feelings for and if I go to Canada, forget about that because I'm not about to do a long distance relationship. So, I can look at it like...Well, God could have somebody in store for me in Canada...but it's hard for me to look at it that way because of the girls here! I really want to have an attitude of gratitude(was that clever or what?) but I'm getting angry that I can't have all these things that almost everybody else can. I can't have a job, or a license and I can't move out of my parents' house till I'm 24.

Anyway...I ate at Fuddrucker's last night. I had the biggest burger I've ever had in my entire life along with a handful of steak fries(probably around 10). I've had 1lb burgers before, but this thing was stinkin' huge! I seriously think it was more than a pound, and the bun was huge...and it had a lot of cheese on it. It was great, but I was in a little pain that night if I didn't sit right which isn't a good sign. I think I'm still recovering from it. I've been wanting to eat the 1lb burger at Fuddrucker's for years now and I finally got to so I think that will be my last 1lb burger...it's time to downsize my meals!